Would You Rather?
by Megan81159
Summary: A short ficlet of some team members playing the titular game. Crack-ish.


At the sound of text ping on his phone, Dick's ears pricked up. He turned in his chair, grateful for a distraction from his physics homework, and looked at the message.

Wally: watcha doin

Dick unlocked his phone and quickly replied, thumbs flying.

Dick: Homework. u?

Wally: Procrastinating need someone to talk to so I don't have to do english

Dick: naturally

Wally: would you rather smell like poop or only smell poop?

Dick: -_- you're on the site again, arent you

Wally: so, which is it

Dick: I'm guessing you can't use perfumes or anything to mask the scent

Wally: don't think so

Dick: um, I guess … smell poop

Wally: really? I'd smell like poop

Dick: you do

Wally: you're such a turd

Dick: no I'm a troll

Wally: turd

Dick: troll

Wally: would you rather eat a rancid mixture of rotten eggs and old fish, or bathe naked in vomit?

Dick: gross much?

Wally: I'm taking the first one

Dick: is there anything you won't eat

Wally: rhubarb. Unless it's covered in bacon.

Dick: would you have rotten eggs and old fish in bacon?

Wally: ...How good is the bacon?

Dick: (sighs)

* * *

"...come on Rob, which is it? Up the butthole or down the mouth?"

"The second one."

"Seriously dude!"

"People used to suck toads to get high."

"So you want to get high?"

"If I ever did, no one would know."

"What are you guys talking about?" Zatanna asked incredulously, plopping down on the couch next to the two boys.

"Zatanna," Wally turned to the magician, "Would your rather have a banana shoved up your butthole or have to hold a toad in your mouth for a whole minute?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Excuse me?"

The redhead grinned. "I said, would you rather have a banana-"

"tuhs pu." She declared, immediately rendering Wally mute, much to his indignation. "Robin, what's going on?"

 _Artemis B-07_

"Oh, KF is just obsessed with this "would you rather" site, which provides you with two wonderfully horrible decisions to choose." The boy rolled his eyes. "So far, I've been forced to murder a 90-year old lady's kitten, have a wife with alligators for arms, and slide down a firefighter pole studded with thumbtacks and drenched in turpentine."

The brunette cringed at the last one. "What were the alternatives?"

"Murder a five-year old's puppy, have a wife with eels for legs, and bathe in hydrochloric acid."

"Personally, I'd kill the puppy." Artemis joined in. "Hey guys."

"Hey Artemis."

"Hello!"

"Mmm!" Wally groaned.

"Playing 'would you rather' huh." Artemis commented, joining the others and lounging against the cushions. "So, you'd really slaughter an innocent kitten and break the fragile heart of a senior citizen?"

Robin shrugged. "Seeing as there aren't any old ladies here, yeah, I would."

"What if they have a heart attack?" The archer argued. "You're basically emotionally crippling them in their final days."

"Exactly, it's their final days. Besides, they've probably had lots of friends die already, so their used to death. I'm not going to traumatize a child by giving them their first experience with death." he defended. Wally poked him to get his attention, pointed at his yellow chest, then "mm mmed" in disagreement, in favor of the girl.

Robin face turned into one of mock horror. "Wally, how could you betray me!" He gasped.

"Look," Artemis started to explain in a reasonable tone, "the kid will get over it. They'll move on with his or her lives, happy like they were before. Kids have an amazing ability to bounce back. But piling on more tragedy on an old woman's plate, now that's cruel!"

"Do you know how impressionable little kids are? Knowing someone murdered their adorable puppy would devastate them! The child would be all 'wah wah I miss doggy' and crying uncontrollably. The woman would be like 'ehh, I endured the death of my husband and several close friends. This doesn't really affect me'."

"Maybe on the outside, but on the inside they would feel that 'I've already endured so much pain. Why can't the universe just cut me a break?!'"

"You're bringing an end to a child's precious innocence!"

Zatanna stared at the pair, dumbfounded as they continued to passionately discuss their views on death. Finally, "You guys are weird and sick."

The two looked up from their debate, which neither side seemed to be winning. They stared at each other in silence, and smiles crept onto their faces. Soon, they were both quietly chuckling. Then, Artemis snorted. This caused Robin to do the same, except a few infectious giggles spilled out along with it. This in turns made Artemis laugh harder, which made Robin laugh harder, and the two continued to perpetuate their endless cycle of laughter. By the end, the boy and girl were guffawing mercilessly, though neither knew why. This of course increased the intensity of what was practically them howling, and the Cave was quickly filled with nothing else but the sound of raucous laughter.

As the two lay rolling on the ground like idiots and clutching their stomachs, the speedster and magician gave them each a ridiculous look.

"Eerf sih htoum." Zatanna muttered. Then, a little louder, "I'm gonna get ice cream. Want some, Wally?"

"Absolutely."


End file.
